My father died when I was 16. I had no experience of dealing with grief and battled my way through it, seeking help from friends and professionals. I feared I might never be happy again. Counselling didn’t work for me and lead me down a path of utter confusion. However I did achieve one great thing through it, I recognised that I was on my own. I decided I wanted to be better and that no one was going to be able to do this for me. I set a goal for myself and said if I achieved that, I was going to feel better. This is why, for me, Cognitive Hypnotherapy works so well, because it isn’t about finding how others can help you, it focuses on you finding your own internal locus of control (ILOC) to help you swap one feeling for another.
I was penniless at the time but determined to reach my goal. Throwing caution to the wind, it was a simple act of hitching a ride to the tip of Cornwall for the dawn of a new year that enabled me to move on. In getting there, for that sunrise, I felt I had achieved something even in a state of despair. A conversation with my father that night in a dream re-framed my pain and put everything in perspective for me. From this I learnt that I was responsible for my mental health, that I had the ability within me to stay mentally healthy and I learnt that I could view death as a victim or recognise it as part of life’s natural cycle. I began to learn that I could turn my traumas into learning opportunities.
